What’s wrong with America? How about this for starters?
How Does a 4 Year Old Spend $46,000 a Month?
Are you kidding me?? $46K a month in order to provide for him “in the manner in which he’s grown accustomed” ? I have an 8 year old. She has gone to private school her entire life. And she enjoys several extracurricular activities. And she dresses well. And eats well. And I GUARANTEE you it didn’t cost me $46K a month – or even a year!
Absurd…
It’s official – we’re a homeschooling family! Well, technically I guess, we’re a “school at home” family, since we are enrolled in the Ohio Virtual Academy and not functioning as a “traditional” homeschool. Confused yet? Yeah, I was too. We’re new at this and I’m still learning all the correct jargon or homeschool-ese, if you will.
Our decision to homeschool has been a long time in the making and isn’t one we’ve taken lightly. A lot of research and prayer went in to this choice and I really feel like God has guided every step we’ve taken that led here. Jaidin went to a private, Christian school (a ministry of our church for 30+ years) beginning in pre-school. When that school closed at the end of her 1st grade year, we were devastated. Not only was it a fantastic school – but everyone there, from the administration to the janitorial staff was some someone we considered family. When I dropped Jaidin off at school every morning, I not only knew that she was receiving an excellent education, but that she was being cared for and loved like a family member. But alas – all good things must come to an end ( at least that’s how the saying goes), and at the end of 2009-2010 school year we had to make a decision about what her educational future would hold. We checked out our public school system, as well as several other Christian schools in the area and made a decision to send her to another local Christian school. We had a great experience there this past year, but it just never felt like home. She made friends, I connected with some of the other moms, and she had an amazing teacher, but we always just felt “out of step”. It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t best.
At the end of this year, we had to decide what we wanted to do about 3rd grade. She had sailed through 2nd grade without much of a challenge, and dare I say, was bored much of the year. So when considering what we would do for 3rd grade, an excellent cirriculum was high on my priority list. I had been hearing advertisementa on the radio for the K12 Virtual Academies, but honestly, wasn’t sure if I was cut out to be a homeschool parent. Never the less, I began researching several homeschooling and school-at- home cirriculums and began to see how this could be a really good option for us. I am blessed to be able to work from home, but wasn’t sure how schooling at home would fit in to my work schedule. The K12 program really appealed to me not only because of the excellent, mastery-based courses, but because Jaidin would have an actual teacher. I am considered the “learning coach” and will be guiding her through both the hands on lessons and the online coursework, but there is a teacher assigned to us that we will be accountable to, and who will be the instructor. Very cool.
The best part of all of this is that Jaidin has been on board with this from the get go. It was actually at her prompting that we first attended a K 12 information session. When we left the meeting, she was so excited and said “That’s it – that’s what I want to do.” We talked a lot with her about the responsibility of being motivated each morning to get up and start school, the importance of being cooperative with me as her learning coach and what homeschooling would mean as far as social activities. She has continued to be enthusiastic and was beside her self with excitement when her cirriculum, school supplies and new computer equipment arrived on our doorstep. We opened everything tonight and she must have asked me 10 times “Can we start school this week?!?”
School actually starts on August 29th, and until then, I am furiously searching for ideas on how to decorate and organize our “school room”. Jaidin will be sharing my home office in the basement and I want to make sure her “area” is kid friendly and fun, so I’ve been bookmarking online sites with cool ideas and will be shopping for desks and all the other fun stuff soon.
I’ll keep you posted on how this new adventure goes. Stay tuned…
Jaidin and her science cirriculum and equipment
Attention Dads (and kids)! Mother’s Day is THIS SUNDAY, May 8th and I know you’re already well on your way to planning the perfect day for the moms in your life. I mean, there’s no way you’d wait until the last minute, of course. Why am I even writing this – surely you’ve all already taken the kids shopping, picked out a wonderful gift and have plans to give mom the day off so that she can relax.
But just in case you haven’t got a clue how to bless your wife and the special momma in your kids life this Sunday, allow me to help.
E-Mealz is a pretty spectacular website who’s services I’ve been using for about the last month or so. This week they are offering a FREE menu and grocery list for Breakfast in Bed to help you earn some major brownie points on Mother’s Day. So stop on over to the website and download it (it’s in the left side bar half way down the page), take the kids to the grocery store, and surprise mom on Sunday morning with a terrific breakfast that’s easy to make (and fun for the kids, with minimal preparation and clean up!)
While you’re over there, order mom a subscription to E-Mealz so that she can stop stressing over what’s for dinner every night and YOU can do the grocery shopping because they provide a weekly list that even Dad’s can follow! 
In all seriousness, I hope my male buddies put some special thought and effort into blessing the mommas in their life this Sunday. She deserves it!
Remember your teenage years? Wanting the right hair and clothes, having a crush on that special someone – who didn’t know you existed? Recall feeling awkward and out of place…all alone? Remember trying to fit in? Now imagine that you had a chronic illness that required surgery to save your life. What if on top of all the “normal” adolescent issues, you used the bathroom through a pouch on your side, because your diseased intestine had to be removed. How’d you like to miss your birthday party, the big game, even prom, because you were in the hospital- AGAIN! Sounds like a bad dream, doesn’t it?
For thousands of teens across the nation, THIS IS REALITY.
A reality that I was all too familiar with. Diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at age 9, I spent much of my childhood in the hospital. When I was 15, I had my diseased large intestine removed, leaving me with a condition called an ileostomy. The ileostomy is a surgically created opening in the abdomen through which doctors bring a portion of the small intestine. I now wear a prosthetic (called a pouch) on my abdomen that my waste is collected in. There are other types of ostomies,too, depending upon the type of bowel or bladder diversion the person is in need of.
When I was 17, I attended my first Youth Rally. It was there that I met young people from all over the country who shared my very same experiences. For the first time, I didn’t feel alone, and the support and camaraderie I received through Youth Rally shaped my life’s work.
I’ve gone on to be a Rally counselor over 12 times, helped to start a support network for young adults with ostomies and diversions, and have led the ostomy community in the U.S as the president of United Ostomy Associations of America. I now work for an amazing company that makes undergarments for people that have had ostomy surgery, helping them regain their confidence and active lifestyle.
My passion is to let others know that no matter the trauma a person has been through, there is always a purpose for the suffering, and a light at the end of the darkness. I want others to recognize that they too can rise from the ashes of disease and live life to it’s fullest, something I have been doing since 1993 when I first attended Youth Rally as a camper. Rally taught me that I was not alone, and that is what made all the difference.
By returning to Youth Rally as a counselor, I have the opportunity to use my experiences (with Crohn’s Disease and 14 subsequent surgeries and as a leader in the ostomy community) to bring a message of hope to other young ostomates who may not see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Would you consider making a donation to help me share the hope of Youth Rally with teens from across the country?
Thank you in advance for your support!
*** To make a donation, you can click on the Sponsor Me link on the right side of this page, or navigate to my Youth Rally Fundraising page ***
For more information about Youth Rally, see their website located here
Me & former camper turned CIT counselor Kristen K. Two KK's = twice the shenanigans!
Posted in colostomy, fundraising, inflammatory bowel disease, Inspiration, kids, Ostomy, Youth Rally
Tagged fundraising, Ostomy, Youth Rally
I had the most touching spiritual conversation with Jaidin on the way home from church Wednesday night. I asked her about what she learned in Girls GEMS club, like I always do, and she shared her memory verse and a few tidbits from class. And then she got real quiet and said “You know mom, you should have been at chapel today at school. You’d have really liked it”.
“Oh yeah”, I said. “What was it about”?
“It was about Palm Sunday”, she replied. “About how Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the donkey, and how the people were so happy to see him, so excited they were waving palm branches and laying down their coats for him. Pastor Riley brought palm leaves, and each of us got some. It was pretty neat. But then he talked about how the same people that were so excited to see Jesus were the exact same people that a week later were yelling ‘Crucify him! Crucify him!’ “
Then she said the most amazing thing to me.
“You know mom, I hope I’m never one of those people who praises Jesus and says I love God, and then turns around when things get crazy and does something like deny him, like those people did.”
Wow! I was blown away. And convicted. Because how many times have I totally been on fire for God, praising Jesus and following after Him, and then BAM! one little change in circumstances or a bad influence from someone else and my tune changes. In my years as a Christian, certainly I’ve gotten better about not being swayed by the wind or tossed about by rough seas. But I still strive to have the kind of faith that is not shaken, no matter the circumstance.
I told Jaidin that I would pray for her to always have faith, to always do the right thing and to never deny Jesus. But I also told her that there will be times when she will probably doubt, and not do the right thing, but God gives second (and third, fourth, fifth…) chances and as long as we’re truly sorry about whatever it was, He forgives us.
She said she knew that and was so glad that Jesus gave us a second chance through the crucifixion. Then she said “Do you think me & you & Daddy could watch the Passion movie?”
I hestitated, because while I think it’s a tremendous movie, I also think it may be a bit too much for an 8 year old.
“How do you know about the Passion of the Christ?” I asked
“Some of the kids in my class were talking about it at recess”‘ she said. “They said it was a movie about Jesus and that it made Riley’s mom cry.”
So I told her, “It made me cry too. I’ll talk to daddy about it. That movie might be a little too graphic for you.”
She was quiet for a minute, and then said “By graphic, do you mean real?”
Then I got quiet. Yes, REAL. That’s exactly what I was thinking.
As I drove quietly for a minute, the Holy Spirit spoke to me.
“The crucifixion WAS real. She’s asking for more than a movie. She’s asking you to help her understand exactly how much her sin cost. To see what all sin cost. Show her.”
I was floored.
So… we’ll be watching The Passion of The Christ soon as a family, and I know that God will prepare her little heart to receive the full message of the Cross (and hopefully not not have nightmares!) If you have kids – have they seen The Passion? What was their reaction. What kind of a discussion did you have as a family afterward?
Posted in Christianity, Family, Jesus, kids, Parenting, Spirituality, Uncategorized
Tagged Christianity, Easter, Jesus, parenting
Tonight I made my second meal from the E-Mealz program, and it was culinary deliciousness. Super easy too. Meal 2 called for Swedish Meatballs and gravy, steamed green beans and dinner rolls (although I left out the rolls – we have enough carb-related ‘rolls’ in this house). I started on the meatballs ( I used ground turkey instead of beef) after work and while it was a super easy recipe, it took me what seemed like forever to roll all those little balls of meaty goodness (the recipe is doubled because I’m supposed to use the remainder for Wednesday night’s dinner). I think next time I’ll make the meatballs the weekend before and free them all. Then on to the gravy, made with onion soup mix. Super easy again, and it thickened right up! Boiled the egg noodles, steam the green beans and voila! Dinner is served!
I had been “preparing” planting subliminal messages Jaidin all day – talking about our yummy dinner and how much she was going to love it. When we sat down at the table, she apprehensively took the first bite…..and then completely demolished everything on her plate! About half way through dinner Jon turned to me and said “Are those slivers of onion in the gravy?” A look of terror shot across Jaidin’s face as I shot her father the death look. “No”, I lied. “It’s the same mix I use when I cook pot roast”, which isn’t a lie, but she loves my pot roast and has no idea there are onions in it. “Ok ” she said. Back to eating. Crisis diverted!
For dessert, I made a strawberry cobbler that a friend had recommended on Facebook. Here’s the link to the recipe. I didn’t have any fresh strawberries, so I used frozen (thawed) and it turned out fine. Will definitely be making this again 
And what a week it’s been!
Monday was pretty uneventful – school, work, dinner, TV, you know the drill. Only exception to this Monday was that I discovered E-Mealz through a friends’s Twitter feed and signed up lickety split! No more “what to make for dinner?” stress?? Hello! No-brainer!
Tuesday is usually ladies Bible study night. We’re currently doing Beth Moore’s The Patriarchs study and I am lovin’ it! That woman can take one verse of scripture and paint a masterpiece with it that brings it to life in the 21st century. But I didn’t get to go Tuesday 
Jon and a friend had tickets to see Stryper in concert, and Jaidin had several projects for church and school that needed finished, so instead of sending her to the babysitter, I did the responsible mom thing and stayed home to help her complete them. She and I had fun working on a mobile of the “fruits of the Spirit” and doing a book report on Justin Bieber: In His Words, but I sure did miss my ladies at Panera!
Wednesday was full of conference calls at work in preparation for an upcoming webinar with the Bad Tummy Foundation. Patient education is definitely my passion, so I was in my element. Really, really excited to see how we can impact the IBD community with this and hopefully present practical information that will help patients faced with the possibility of ostomy surgery make informed decisions and not ones based on fear.
I played hooky from church Wed. night so I could catch up on stuff around the house, work on the newsletter for the ladies ministry, and get the house cleaned in anticipation of dinner guests on Thursday, then spent the rest of the night helping Jon put together our new kitchen table and chairs. We were up until past midnight, thanks to our lack of skills with a monkey wrench. But we got it together (ok – HE got it together, I just supervised) and it looks great – and I have so much more room in my kitchen!
Thursday we were looking forward to dinner with new friends from church (well – new to me. Jon went to school with the wife), but they had to cancel. Bummer – I was all set to entertain and get to know some new friends, but alas, we had to eat the Crock-Pot lasagna all by ourselves.
Friday started with a work conference call to discuss the upcoming WOCN Society National Conference in June. It’s going to be in New Orleans, which happens to be one of my favorite cities, thanks to the time I spent there planning and executing the UOAA 2009 national conference, so I’m super happy to have a couple more days to enjoy N’awlin’s this June. I’m also really excited to introduce Ostomy Secrets to WOCN’s from across the country. I need to start priming my vocal cords and find a pair of really cute, yet ultra comfy shoes in preparation for 4 days of talking and standing in the convention center.
Friday night we had family dinner at Red Robin. I was totally craving a big, juicy burger, and since it was about 30 degrees outside and we have no propane for the grill – we HAD to go out to dinner. Too bad. I was really looking forward to cooking. NOT.
Saturday started out as a day with no real plans except grocery shopping and ended up with us attending a gun show at the Great Lakes Expo Center with friends. We’ve been discussing gun ownership for a while now, and considering all that’s going on in the world, I think it’s high time to make a purchase. Had a great time at the show and fell in love with The Bodyguard. Think I’ll ask the Easter Bunny to put one in my basket this year
When we got home from the show, I made my first meal from the Emealz program and it was super easy and tasty too. Jon gobbled it up, and although all their recipes are kid-tested, Jaidin was not thrilled with the finished product. However, I doubt it had anything to do with the recipe. She’s become INCREDIBLY picky with her diet lately, and it has me frustrated. She’s pretty much refusing any type of meat – which I’d be totally fine with, if she ate veggies and fruits and some other source of protien. But she wont. And since I wont allow her to subsist on peanut butter and jelly alone, we’ve had some rough food discussions recently. One of the reasons I signed up for Emealz is that I’m on a quest to get my family eating more healthy and to introduce them to new foods. I guess it’s going to be tougher than I thought.
Mom friends out there – how do you handle situations where your kids refuse certain foods? I’m pretty sure this is more of a battle of the wills situation than an actual dislike of a certain food on her part. Should I punish her, make her a special meal (I’m REALLY opposed to this), what do I do???
Today was a great church service, complete with a bake sale to benefit the kid’s ministry. I made brownies to sell, and made a donation, but was a good girl and didn’t come home with any baked goods. Score one for healthy eating!
After drama ministry practice, we headed up to the Great Lakes Science Center to see Tornado Alley on in the OmniMax theater. I’m a hard core weather geek, so I was pretty excited to see this. I watch Storm Chasers and the film’s maker, Sean Casey, is on the show, so I had been hearing about this movie project for a while. Unfortunately, I was kind of disappointed. The film really didn’t feature any new footage that hadn’t been shown in recent seasons of Storm Chasers. I enjoyed myself and would still recommend the movie (if only for the IMAX experience), but if you’re an avid storm chaser or watcher of Storm Chasers, don’t expect to be blown out of the water by the footage.
So that brings me to tonight, and I’m sitting her blogging while Jon snoozes on the couch with the dog and Jaidin’s watching the Kid’s Choice Awards on DVR (she lost the privilege of staying up last night to watch live when she refused to eat her dinner). I love quiet, all-together evenings like this, and find myself thinking a lot about the little girl that’s going to be joining our family through adoption. I don’t know her name, have no idea what she looks like, but I know I love her and imagine ALL THE TIME what our lives are going to look like when she’s finally with us. I imagine it’ll look similar to the week I just described above, probably with a lot more chaos. But when God brings the chaos, it’s all good. Because the benefits far out-weigh the chaos.
How was your week?
At least I hope!
Last night I signed up for E-Mealz. I heard about it from a friend’s Twitter account and thought I’d check it out. Working from home, I almost always have time to cook, I just never know WHAT to cook, and I’m certainly not disciplined enough to sit down at make a meal plan every week and compile a shopping list.
So for $1.25 a week, E-Mealz is going to do it for me. I chose the meal plan that best suits our family (they offer low-fat, portion control, vegetarian, gluten-free, etc), and my preferred grocery store (you can also choose an “any store” plan), and each week they provide you with a list of seven meals and side dishes based on your meal plan and what’s on sale at your specified grocery store. In addition to eliminating my “what’s for dinner” stress, I’m hoping it’s going to save us some money, too.
I’ll keep you posted. I’ve already done our shopping for this week, so I’ll start the plan next week. If you’re interested in checking E-Mealz out, check out this link:
Ever since I let the cat out of the bag a couple weeks ago on Facebook, I’ve received lots of inquiries from friends about our decision to expand our family by adoption.
I’m going to try and chronicle our journey here, so I guess the best place to start is the beginning. Because of all my health issues, I always thought I’d adopt one day because Dr.’s told me from the time I was 18 that I’d probably never have a child of my own. Before Jon and I got married, we discussed having children and adoption, and we were both fine with whatever God brought our way. Then 2.5 years into our marriage, lo and behold, I was pregnant! We were both overjoyed and paranoid, not knowing what this pregnancy would hold for my health. Turns out I had a fairly problem-free pregnancy, with the exception of a hernia I developed because of all the surgery I’d had in the past. I delivered Jaidin via c-section only because she was breech, and it’s a good thing, too, because she weighed in at a healthy 9 lbs 11.5oz!
The problems didn’t come until AFTER delivery. I had numerous, recurrent hernias that required surgical repair, developed problems with the dormant j-pouch that was still intact in my abdomen, and eventually needed 2 major surgeries and some abdominal reconstruction to remove and repair everything.
Because of that, Jon and I pretty much resigned ourselves to the idea that we had been incredibly blessed of God to have one child of our own, and thought we’d go about life as a family of 3.
Over the years, as Jaidin’s grown, we’ve talked about how we’d like to give her a sibling, but always knew it’d have to be God-ordained. The older Jaidin gets, the more she talks about wanting a sister, and about a year ago, we began to give some thought to the idea of adopting.
The more we discussed it, the more the idea began to take root in my heart, and the more it seemed that every where I turned, there were tiny glimpses of confirmation from God that this was where He was leading. I kept “running into” articles about adoption, blogs written by adoptive moms, TV shows featuring adoption – and God kept showing me scripture about believers in Christ being “adopted”. Then in October of 2010, I experienced some changes in my life that at the time were devastating, but I now can see where they were God’s way of calling me out into a new season where I was to focus on my family and the coming changes He had for us.
I had done plenty of research on adoption, and we had pretty much decided that we did not want to adopt an infant. Because of Jaidin’s age, and where we were at as a family with commitments, it just didn’t make sense. We also knew we couldn’t afford private domestic adoption, so that left us to consider other options. We began discussing adopting through the US foster care system. Over the years, I’ve heard many “arguments” about why that wasn’t the way to go – including ” you never know what kind of child you’re going to get – what kind of physical and emotional problems they’ll have, what race they’ll be”. Well – I’ve got news for people – even when you have your own biological child, you don’t know what kind of kid you’re going to get. Silly argument , if you ask me.
I started making calls in February to friends of mine who’d adopted through foster care. I wanted the REAL story – the good AND the bad. All of them shared overwhelmingly positive thoughts with me, and I was really encouraged. At the end of February, I called the county to get information about foster care and adoption, and our journey officially started this week when I signed us up for our pre-certification classes so that we can become liscensed foster care providers. We’ll finish our 36 hours of training at the end of May, and begin the homestudy process in June.
This week, I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that whatever child God has set apart for us to adopt is already out there in this world, and is currently, or has at some point, experienced great loss, trauma or abuse that caused them to enter the foster care system in the first place. I get a picture in my mind of a nameless, faceless girl that’s a bit younger than Jaidin, and it breaks my heart. I pray that God will reveal His love to her so that she knows that she is wanted and treasured, that no matter what has happened to her in the past, there is a God that LOVES her and wants to give her hope and future. And I stand in awe of the fact that MY family will get to be a part of the rest of her journey.
Please pray for Jon, Jaidin and I. Our lives will no doubtedly never be the same. But I’m confident they’ll be BETTER, and God is going to give us everything we need on this journey to meet the needs of His special child. Some days I feel inadequate as a mom of just one – what happens when I have 2?? But then I am reminded that God doesn’t always call the equipped – but He ALWAYS equips the called.
Never saw that movie, but it did win an Oscar for Best Cinematography in 1992, and since the Academy Awards were last night, I guess the reference is apropo. Because I do have a river running through it – my backyard, that is.
I am not a morning person. Apparently this is a genetic thing, because neither is my child. This makes for much love, joy and peace in the Knipp house on school mornings. Not really.
Usually, it looks more like this:
Every morning is a struggle to complete even the most simple tasks and get to school on time. She moves slow as molasses, has to be reminded 30 times to eat, brush her teeth, get dressed and get her book bag ready.
However, this morning, I was pleasantly surprised when I walked into her room and found this:
I dont know if she had just finished dreaming about Justin Bieber (yes, that’s him on the wall behind her, him on her pajamas, and him on the blanket in the corner), or if aliens abducted my child, but either way I’ll take it. No fights this morning, she was at school with 5 minutes to spare, and I came home feeling like a successful mother.
Until Monday morning rolls around…..
At the beginning of the new semester, Jaidin joined the school bowling league, and since the beginning of January, every Monday she rides the bus to the local bowling alley after school. Mommy has a hard time remembering this, and keeps showing up at school on Monday afternoons and wondering why her baby girl isn’t exiting the building, then remembers and feels like a fool the entire 2 minute drive home….but I digress.
Two weeks ago I showed up at the bowling alley at the appointed time to pick her up and she was sitting in the area behind the lanes eating french fries. Now, I knew she didn’t have any money to buy them (because Mommy had once again forgotten about bowling, so I didn’t send her with snack money), so asked her where she got them.
“J bought them for me!”, she said.
J is Jaidin’s crush – googly eyes when she talks about him crush. You get the picture.
Apparently when J was preparing to go to the snack bar, he asked Jaidin if she was coming and she said she didn’t have any money. So while she took her turn bowling, J went into his back pack and got out another dollar and went and bought them both fries. How sweet is that?
Most second grade boys think girls have cooties – so they’re certainly not prone to spend a $1, which they could have spent on candy, video games or something equally fun, on a slimy girl. But J did.
Now, either my daughter possesses feminine wiles that defy the laws of nature (in which case Jon better purchase a gun – a big one – today!), or J has a really wonderful set of parents who are raising their sons to be polite, generous , and giving. I’m quite positive it’s number 2, so I sent J’s mom an email and thanked her for raising her boys to be gentlemen. (I dont think people encourage each other enough today. Everyone loves to hear good things about their kids).
Jaidin went on and on on the way home about how nice it was of J to share, and I agreed. I know it was just $1 french fry, but it made my daughter so happy. All I have to say is that when Jaidin gets to dating age, any guy she chooses to go out with is going to have to have some really good game in order to compete with the second grader that sacrificed his dollar to buy my girl fries! And I bet J is going to make a really good boyfriend one day
Posted in kids
I’m vain. There, I said it. I show excessive concern for my appearance. And this excessive concern has gone straight to my head. In particular my eyes.
My eyes look like Natalie Portman in Black Swan.
See the bloodshot resemblance? Um, ya.
I was recently diagnosed with what the doctors believe to be Sjogren’s Syndrome. That’s just a fancy way of saying that my immune system is in overdrive again (Sjogren’s is an autoimmune disease, like Crohn’s disease which I’ve had for 26 years), and it’s attacking the glands that make natural lubricants for my eyes (and other various body parts, but we wont go there). Not enough tears = red, painful eyes. Nice, huh?
I can deal with the painful. I’ve had 14 major surgeries, intestinal blockages, hernias and abdominal pain that rivals childbirth. A little burning in the eyes doesn’t phase me. However, looking like I have perpetual pink-eye does bother me. A lot.
See, as far as looks go – I’ve always felt like if I had anything going for me, it was a pretty face. I’ve always struggled with my weight, and coupled with having an ostomy, I knew my body was never going to be swimsuit model caliber. And I was ok with that. Don’t like my thighs? No worries – I could cover them up.
But I can’t cover up my eyes. Sunglass-wearing indoors, especially in winter, makes one look a little ridiculous. Every day I’m forced to go somewhere, even if it’s just to school to drop off and pick up Jaidin, where people see my blood-red eyes. I don’t know what they’re thinking – maybe that I’ve got a bad marijuana habit, maybe that I drink to much, maybe that I should get that nasty case of pink eye looked at – who knows. And it shouldn’t bother me what anyone thinks. I mean seriously, you’d think after living 20 years with a pouch full of poo on my side, I’d kind of be over the whole self-confidence thing. And I thought I was.
Until my eyes started looking like cyclops.
I’ve tried all the traditional treatments. Eye drops, eye gel, Restasis, steroids, you name it, and I’m going through Visine like it’s nobody’s business. Nothing’s working. I’m beyond frustrated. Once again my body has failed me.
So there you have it, my confession. And as a mediocre DC Talk song once said – confession is the road to healing. So please, Lord, heal my eyes….
Posted in craziness, Health, How I'm Feeling
Tagged autoimmune, chronic illness, sjogren's
A couple weeks ago, I was asked if I would consider being the editor for the newsletter published by our women’s ministry at church. It was a no-brainer to say yes. I enjoy writing, I’m a stickler about grammar and spelling, and I’m pretty computer proficient. Sounds like a good fit right?
Then, once I’d committed, Kristen – the director of the women’s ministry said, “One of the things I’d like to implement is an article in each newsletter that highlights one of the ladies in our church. We all see each other, week in and week out, but never really get to know things about each other that are below the surface. Since you’re putting together the newsletter, why don’t you be the first woman we feature? “. How could I say no? So I agreed. Simple enough.
Except that I hate writing that kind of thing. Or maybe it’s not that I hate it, but really that I don’t want to sound boastful when writing about my successes and accomplishments. I don’t think I’m one to toot my own horn, and I struggle to share about all I’ve been through in my short 35 years because the glory is all God’s. When I share with anyone about where my life has come from, how it’s been changed, and why I hold the hope that I do, I never want people to think that it’s at all because I think I’m such a strong, talented person. Truth is my past (and even some moments in the present) is littered with hardships that without the love and grace of Jesus Christ, I never would have overcome.
I’ve been incredibly blessed that He’s taken what at the time seemed to be a curse, and turned it around into the greatest blessing imaginable. From my sickness and suffering, I’ve been able to find my ultimate purpose.
Anyway – many people have asked if I ever finished the article. I did – and here it is in it’s entirety. Maybe I’ll write my memoir one day afterall…
Remember your teenage years? Wanting the right hair and clothes, having a crush on that special someone – who didn’t know you existed? Recall feeling awkward and out of place…all alone? Remember trying to fit in? Now imagine that you had a chronic illness that required surgery to save your life. What if on top of all the “normal” adolescent issues, you used the bathroom through a pouch on your side, because your diseased intestine had to be removed. How’d you like to miss your birthday party, the big game, even prom, because you were in the hospital- AGAIN! Sounds like a bad dream, doesn’t it?
Unfortunately for Kristin Knipp, this was a reality. Diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at age 9, Kristin spent much of her childhood in the hospital. When she was 15, she had her diseased large intestine removed, leaving her with a condition called an ostomy. The ostomy is a surgically created opening in the abdomen through which doctors bring a portion of the bowel and the person then wears a prosthetic ( called a pouch) that waste is collected in.
“My teenage years were trying, for sure. There’s a certain stigma attached to going to the bathroom ‘differently’, and when you’re a young person, that stigma seems magnified. It’s very isolating”, says Kristin. “For many years I asked ‘why me?’. I didn’t know Jesus back then, so no real answer ever came. In fact, the lack of answers, coupled with recurrent surgeries and medical trials, led to one very bitter young lady. I was mad- mad at my body, mad at my circumstances, and mad at God for allowing it. It wasn’t until I was 17 that things slowly began to fall into place.”
At 17, Kristin attended a summer camp for teens that had ostomies and other bowel and bladder diversions. For the first time, she met other kids that had experienced illness, surgery, and the same struggles she’d been facing. Finally, she didn’t feel alone. This camp, called Youth Rally, was ultimately the vehicle through which Kristin was introduced to Jesus.
“My second year as a camper, I met a young man who was also a Crohn’s patient and an ostomate. We were drawn to each other – initially because of teenage hormones and young love, but after camp ended and we returned to our respective homes, we maintained our friendship and I began to realize that we had a special relationship. Every time we talked, he offered me hope regarding whatever circumstances I was facing, and assured me after every conversation we had that he was praying for me. It wasn’t long before I realized that the thing that drew me to him most was his relationship with the Lord. In 1997, I visited him and his family in Tennesse, and it was there that I attended my first ever church service, and gave my heart to Jesus.”
It didn’t take long after welcoming Jesus into her life for Kristin to recognize how God had placed His hand on her long before that moment, and had been weaving a tapestry that on the under side appeared messy and disheveled. But now that she could see it clearly, through spiritual eyes from God’s perspective, she began to see the answer to her “why me?” questions.
Kristin has returned to Youth Rally for the past 12 years to volunteer as a counselor and offer hope to teens facing life with an ostomy. Volunteering with Youth Rally brought to Kristin’s attention the lack of support and resources for young people living with ostomy surgery, especially young adults, and in 2005 she founded YODAA (Young Ostomate & Diversion Alliance of America) a national network for young adults living with ostomy or diversionary surgery. Eventually the organization joined the United Ostomy Associations of America(UOAA) as an affiliated support group, and YODAA is still growing strong today.
In 2006, serving while serving UOAA as National Conference Planning Chair, Kristin was approached by the organization’s president about running for a national board of directors position. Kristin knew that it was something she was called to do.
“My life had come full circle”, she says. “At 15, receiving an ostomy had felt like a life sentence. Now, I was in a position to share my experience with an ostomy with others and let them know that it is indeed a LIFE sentence. Life is the key word. An ostomy gave me back my life, and this was my opportunity to use my experiences to change the course for others facing the same road. This was a significant answer to my WHY from so many years ago.”
Kristin threw her hat in the ring for the election, and was installed as the President-elect of UOAA in 2007. She served in that capacity for 3 years, and in January 2010, began her term as President of the organization.
“ While serving UOAA as president, I had the opportunity to travel the United States and abroad and use my God-given talents to work to improve the lives of ostomates around the world. I’ve lobbied on Capitol Hill for legislation important to those living with an ostomy, I’ve been to Mexico and seen the plight of ostomates in foreign countries who have little or no access to specialized care and ostomy supplies. I’ve been honored to serve on a selection committee that extends scholarships and awards to people who’ve made a ‘great comeback’ from ostomy surgery, and have been blessed to be a spokesperson for several campaigns aimed at eliminating the stigma that is attached to ostomy surgery. God has granted me the influence to affect change and the responsibility to help others along their journey”.
Kristin now works for a company that makes specialized undergarments for people that have had ostomy surgery, and feels incredibly lucky to be able to combine her vocation with her avocation.
“Every day, I have the opportunity to minister to someone who’s in need of a little hope. It’s not traditional ministry – I don’t work at a church and I don’t have a title, but I have the love and grace of Jesus Christ in my heart, and I’m able to share it every day in the form of knowledge and encouragement to help others along their journey. My WHY has been answered, and no longer is Crohn’s disease or an ostomy a curse. It’s been my biggest blessing.”
Posted in about me, Christianity, Church, colostomy, Crohn's, Crohn's and Colitis, ileostomy, Inspiration, Jesus, Ostomy, Spirituality, UOAA, YODAA, Youth Rally
This Christmas I’m thinking about babies. All around me, women are pregnant. My youngest sister in law had a baby this past September. Another of my sisters in law had a baby last night – a sweet, chubby little baby boy. Three of my ostomy/jpouch buddies are pregnant, and an old friend from my dance years is expecting too.
And then there are those who are suffering. A good friend had a miscarriage a few months back, and just this past weekend, another friend lost his baby and girlfriend during childbirth.
The miraculousness that God incarnate came to earth as a tiny innocent baby is not lost on me. For the past two weeks, I have been both terrified and excited that I might too be pregnant. Turns out I’m not, and that brought about such a dichotomy of emotions I wasn’t expecting.
See…it’s probably not a good idea for me to have another child (physically that is). After 14 surgeries, this old (at age 35) body has been through enough. I had multiple issues with hernias and other things after Jaidin was born, and have finally been surgery free for the past 4 years. Putting myself through the stress of carrying, delivering and caring for a newborn has the potential to put me in a health situation where I’m out of commission and not able to care for anyone. Jon and I both know this, and had resigned ourselves to the fact that we’d only have one child.
But the past year or so, we’ve been talking about adoption. Jaidin really wants a brother or sister, and Jon and I both would like to have another kid. But there are so many variables to consider. Do we want an infant, or are we open to an older child? Can we afford adoption? (The answer is no, but we couldn’t “afford” Jaidin when we had her, either). Do we go through a private agency, or do we want to do foster care with the intent to adopt. We just don’t know. So we haven’t moved forward.
I just don’t know. Thinking I might be pregnant was scary – what about my health, how could we afford another child, what if, what if ,what if? But part of me was hoping, really hoping, that there was going to be a baby on the way.
The fact of the matter is that LIFE is a miracle, all life. If you know anything about human science, you know how perfect everything has to come together in order to conceive. And that’s just the beginning. A series of miracles has to happen every single day of our lives just to keep us alive. And if you’re a believer in Christ, you understand the miracle that is adoption and the beauty of being “grafted in”.
Children are a gift from God, and I’d really like another gift. I think…
Posted in Family, How I'm Feeling, kids, Thoughts to Ponder
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