Kids grow up so fast- quite the cliche saying, but it never felt so true as last night.
Last night my baby girl ‘graduated’ from pre-school and in the fall, I’ll have to send her off to the big bad world that is kindergarten. OK…it’s not really so big, or so bad…in fact, it’s not even a different school (she attends the private school at our church), but to a mom, something about the word “kindergarten” just sounds so… grown up.
And grown up is just fine with Jaidin – she’s ready! Being a “big girl” is of utmost importance these days. Just the other night we played “spa” and both got pedicures and manicures. (Yes, I doubled as a patron AND nail technician ) While I was doing her nails, she talked to me as if I was really a cosmetoligist in a salon providing her service. I got to hear all about her friends at school and her crush on Gavin, how she broke her arm, her upcoming graduation, and even how she feels about her mom and dad no longer living together. I was highly amused watching her animatedly share her world with me compete with facial expressions like rolled eyes and dramatic hand gestures ( I suppose she is her mother’s daugter ). But part of me was sad too, because I realized just how big she’d become, how aware she was of the world around here, and how independent she was becoming.
Hard to believe it was 6 years ago this month that I stood in the small downstairs bathroom of our College Hills condo, staring at a pregnancy test and thinking ” OMG…how did this happen??”. Well….I knew “how” it happened, but since the doctors had told me from the time I was 16 that I’d never have a baby, I was confused and even scared. But God watched over my “impossible” pregnancy and has taken care of Jaidin every day since then. And I know, when I send her off to the big bad kindergarten world in 3 short months, He’ll take care of her then too.
Class of 2008 June 7, 2008
Brain Dump October 7, 2007
What’s going on. In random bulletpoints. Of absolutely no order of significance.
- We’re back from Florida. All in all, it was a good trip. Jaidin was so excited about her first plane ride, and this is the first trip to the ocean that she’ll remember (We went to Destin when she was 15 months). It rained the first two and a half days we were there, was beautiful the next two and a half, and was a rainy the last day. We squeezed in as much pool and beach time as we could and did indoor stuff the rest of the time. I’ll post the pictures soon.
- I read an entire book while we were in Florida, and boy, was it a good one! There’d been some buzz by some friends of friends about The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, so picked up a copy before we left for Florida. I have so many thoughts on this book but couldn’t even begin to put them to words right now. But I will be posting more, because this book has seriously messed me up and challenged me in a good way. So for now all I have to say is, if you consider yourself a follower of Christ…not a liberal, not a conservative, not a Protestant, Catholic, Charismatic or whatever…but someone who wants to seek a better way of doing life…this book is for you. Check it out.
- I just finished watching Rock of Love with Bret Michaels. I had to tape the finale while we were on vacation, but they just re-ran it right before they aired the reunion show, so I watched both. Not exactly quality viewing, but my goodness, what a guilty pleasure. What a train wreck of a reality tv show. Love it! And I’m SO HAPPY he chose Jess.
- Learning Hebrew has proved to be quite the challenge, but I am undeterred. I seriously spent one whole day at the pool with my Hebrew for Dummies book, and I really only conquered a few words and one simple sentence. It’s really hard when you don’t have a native speaker to “practice” with. I’m going to take lessons at a local Jewish college, but they only offer the course a few times a year, and unfortunately, right now doesn’t coincide with either of those times of year. So for now it’s me, my book and the ‘net. Maybe I should get some of the Rosetta Stone software. Anybody know if it’s effective???
- Bath and Body Works new scent Pumpkin Pie Paradise = A little slice of heaven. Can you say YUMMY? I bought the lotion, the bodywash/shampoo AND the home fragrance oil.

- I read an article lately about a new online dating site that caters to people with chronic health related issues. Prescription4Love.com I suppose I understand the appeal (being upfront about health related issues prevents the “big reveal” that those of us with chronic illness deal with in relationships), but as someone who has a chronic illness (Crohn’s disease) and some extra baggage…literally (ileostomy), I never felt the need to limit myself to having relationships with only other ostomates, IBD’ers or people with another health “issues”. More thoughts on this later…
- Cleveland sports suck. The Brown’…augh! The Indians are doing well (except for NOT sweeping the Yankees tonight). But I promise you, even if they make it all the way, I will NOT jump on the bandwagon. I’m too jaded. And another thing…I DON’T CARE IF LEBRON JAMES IS A YANKEES FAN!! OR THAT HE WORE A YANKEES HAT TO THE INDIANS GAME! He gets paid to win basketball games for Cleveland, which he does. Who he roots for in baseball is none of my concern. I can’t believe, with all that’s going on in the world, this is considered news-worthy. *rolling my eyes*
That’s all for now. Stay tuned…
You’ll date who your daddy says you’ll date… September 15, 2007
Today was amusement park day. I, along with Jon, took two VERY ENERGETIC 4 year olds to Geauga Lake.
It was a beautiful day. A pristine blue sky cluttered with fluffy gray autumn clouds, about 60 degrees, and a crisp fall breeze. Definitely my kind of weather!
The girls rode all the kiddie rides, and we all rode the ferris wheel and the carousel. No roller coasters…the girls aren’t tall enough…and of course we grown ups couldn’t leave the girls unattended to ride. We did, however, ride the Escape from Dino Island ride. It’s one of those IMAX rides that displays the screen and then the theater seats move so you feel like you’re in the movie. The girls were terrified (although once we left the ride they swore up and down that it was “the coolest ride EVER”), and all the “movement” screwed with my equilibrium to the point where I thought I was going to lose my lunch. I guess I am getting old
On the way home we ate at CiCi’s, and then took the girls to the dollar store to go “shopping”. They each picked out five items (exactly the same… because that’s what BFF’s do… a doll, a notebook, princess makeup, a mermaid toy, cellphone).
We played Barbies and dollhouse when we got home, and now they’re in Jaidin’s room watching Barbie Swan Lake. And I’m ready to crash! Can you say “tired mommy”? There is a reason I only have one kid…
Cute side note:
Jon told me that when we were crossing the bridge from one side of the lake to the other the girls were talking about ‘who they were going to date’ when they got older. LOL Jaidin very matter of factly said “I’m dating Dylan”. ( Dylan is the poor unsuspecting 3rd grade boy she’s had a crush on for about a year). Juliea said “You can’t date him..he’s old”. So Jon interrupted and asked about all the boys in her preschool class. He was naming them off, one by one. When he got to Gavin, Juliea said “Yeah, Gavin..he’s a good choice!”. Jaidin replied “I don’t like boys who are 4, I like older boys”. Then Juliea looks Jaidin right in the eye and says sternly, “Jaidin, you’ll date who your daddy says you’ll date!”
Jon hopes Jaidin and Juliea will be friends as teenagers……
This past week… September 5, 2007
has been crazy. Packing, moving,back to work full time,and…My baby started her second year of preschool today! I cannot believe she is 4 (going on 14) and will be in kindergarten next year. She waltzed into Mrs. Zinni’s classroom this morning like she owned the place!
In other news…
Jungle Terry came to Amber’s a week or so ago on a Friday night ( I truly have THE BEST babysitter EVER!)
Jaidin loves horses. While picking up the keys for the new place from Ty ( friend from church) Jaidin got to ride Nugget, a miniature pony and she was in heaven. She is now in negotiations with Ty for riding lessons. Oh boy!
Rob and Adrienne are getting married soon! As bridesmaid and flower girl, Jaidin and I did our duty and attended their shower last week. They got lots of good loot…and I got to catch up with some mutual childhood friends ( Hi Lizz and Kate!)
For those of you who are asking…I promise to post more abut my experiences at the IOA World Congress in Puerto Rico, and the UOAA National Conference in Chicago. I’m still settling in after moving, and trying to work out some kinks with a possible job switch. But details will follow soon, I promise.
Wedded bliss…or something like that.. August 3, 2007
I can’t believe my baby brother is getting married in 3 hours!

I’m feeling kinda nostalgic and emotional today…
We’re off to the church. Pray it doesn’t rain…or our red dyed bridesmaid shoes will turn into bleeding messes leaving trails of “blood” down the aisle! 
Many pictures to follow…
A Child-like Conscience July 17, 2007
For the past week or so, we’ve been talking with Jaidin about the fall and going back to school. She seemed excited because her cousin Evan is going to be in her class this coming year.
Then a few days ago, out of the blue, she announces she doesn’t want to go back to Mrs. Zinni’s class. Strange, right? Any of you who remotely know our family, or read my blog, know that she LOVES Mrs. Zinni! I just laughed at her and blew off her little “announcement”. Then last night she says the same thing, to me and Jon. We asked her why, and she said it was because she didn’t want Evan to be in her class. Even weirder, since we all know how much she ADORES Evan.
This morning, on the way to Amber’s, she was awfully quiet. Usually she’s singing at the top of her lungs, or talking non-stop. I stopped at a redlight and turned around to check on her, and she was crying quietly. I asked her what was the matter and she said “One day, I took a toy from Mrs. Zinni’s class.”
No big deal, I thought. Why’s she crying about that? Mrs. Zinni was always giving them little toys and trinkets from her “treasure box”. Almost everyday Jaidin came home with some new something or other. Then it dawned on me…
She had “stolen” a toy from Mrs. Zinni’s class.
No wonder she didn’t want to go back to school. My baby girl felt so bad about her “crime” that she was crying about it.
I told her that it was ok, and to stop crying. When we got to Amber’s, I crawled in the back seat and sat by her. I told her that I was proud of her for telling the truth, that she could return the toy to Mrs. Zinni and apologize at church on Sunday, and that I was sure Mrs. Zinni would forgive her. “You not mad?” she said. ” Not mad…disappointed that you made a bad choice, but very happy that you decided to tell the truth.” I said. I gave her a big hug, and we went in to Amber’s, all forgiven.
When I got back in the car, I started thinking about how her little conscience must have been so troubled. Then I started thinking about my life, lies I’ve told, corners I’ve cut, compromises I’ve made, instead of doing the right thing. We all do it. It’s not right, but we do. No wonder God said we’d have to become like little children to enter the kingdom of heaven.
Lord, give me a conscience like my daughter’s, and the grace to humble myself and tell the truth when I’ve screwed up.
Good childcare is hard to find July 3, 2007
I just had to share this! This email was waiting for me this morning when I got up. It’s from Amber (Jaidin’s amazing babysitter).
I’m still laughing…

Hi Moms!
So, it’s like 11:15 at night and I’m getting ready to go to bed, but I wanted to share my interesting night with you all. This is a great story!
So, everyone knows that we have such a fun pool and it was only $30 and blah blah blah…well, one small problem we’ve encountered is it seems we need to fill it with air every hour. The kids love it, but half the time, it’s deflated and certain pieces don’t work right. I have had my fits on the phone trying to negotiate with the manufacturer about replacing it or some of the parts, and it’s just not worth it. We all love the pool, but it’s just really hard to maintain and we’re all getting fed up with having to wait to blow it up every time we want to swim…I was just talking to the kids today about getting a new pool.
Well, Aaron and I go out to get some mulch for our yard…(we are in the process of re-doing it all…plug your nose!!!) I “accidentally” saw a cute little pool that has a built in slide/staircase/railing that was big enough for the kids, better material…that normal blue plasticy stuff…(nothing inflatable!) so I decided I’d buy it. I tend to be a little impulsive and on the positive side of things, so I haven’t really thought about HOW we’re going to get this home, but I have to have it…”the kids NEED it, honey.”
Aaron’s mom was meeting us anyway so we could use her SUV to load all the mulch, so Aaron and I figure we’ll tie this big pool on the top or something. The cashier gives us this sad, frail looking “twine” that we attempt to use to tie the pool to the Blazer. Yeah…..okay…you know where this is going…
So, Aaron drives the Blazer while his mom and I follow behind in Aaron’s car. Ummmm, yeah. I don’t know what the point of us following behind is…like, am I going to catch the pool if it falls off or what? Anyway…it’s just what you do right? You follow the car that has something attached to it…so we’re taking the long, slow way home and we are on 615…yeah, the one with 4 lanes. Okay, you with me? So, I notice that my husband is speeding way ahead like usual, as though he doesn’t have a 20 foot blue pool attached with string to the top of his car…and I see the pool start flying a little too loose on top. I speed up and try honking to get his attention, and of course, the pool flies off the top of the car and into the other lane of oncoming traffic…right before a pick up truck is going to come up on it.
Now, don’t you know you have the best child care provider around? (ha ha) I need that pool for my kids! So, I slam on the brakes, flip my hazards on and run down 615, cross into the oncoming lane, grab the pool and drag it back to the car and kind of just hook it up under the front of the car so it stops blowing away. My mother in law is shouting “the pieces, the pieces”…up ahead, I see that 2 sets of pieces to the pool are laying in the road, so I run down, grab those, grab something that looks like it goes to the pool, not sure if it’s mine or not, but just grab it…get in the car…now what? People are zooming all around, looking at this poor girl in the middle of the road with a death grip on my kid’s new blue pool with a cool slide! Umm, so by the way, my car was in the inside lane, so I’m not even pulled over…I just stopped in the middle of the road…yeah, ummm, safe. So, I drag the pool over to the side and wait for my knight in shining armor (um Aaron) to come running down 615 after he had parked the SUV up ahead and he tells me he’ll walk it down.
I go park a few miles up ahead where he did and wait, while, can you picture this? Aaron walks down 615, with a huge blue pool on top of his head, his shoulders, his back…okay, so it’s a walking blue pool…can’t get a visual? Well well well, I just happen to have my camera handy and have a nice picture of my ever-cheerful husband always willing to help out…so I’ll just copy that picture right on to here so you can share in the joy.
We got the pool home…our new idea was Aaron and I took his car and just hung out the windows holding on with our bare, frozen cracked hands to my kids new pool with the cool slide. Yeah, um, everyone and their mother and their brother and sister pointed and laughed and looked and Aaron just kept saying “yep, it’s a pool….a pool..yep, we’re holding a pool on top of the car…” By the time we got to Antoinette, I tried to convince Aaron to just put it on it’s side and roll it down the street. LOL. Yeah…so um, next time you’re over…appreciate the blue pool. Can we have some respect for the pool, please?
~Amber
PS. It’s not a super fantastic pool…you probably have one like it too…but it’s big enough to swim, it has a little slide, and it’s easy to keep clean..we can keep a tarp on it, which will keep it safer, cleaner and warmer! Enjoy the picture of happy Aaron! Not every day you see this walking down Rt. 615…

PRICELESS!!!!
A Skinny Wedding Shower weekend June 18, 2007
Friday night Rob and Adrienne invited us to the Boneyard to see Skinny ( my new favorite local band….http://www.myspace.com/2skinnydorks). They were great! I think I’ll become a groupie like`Adrienne and follow them all over NE Ohio. She’s already got the shows penciled in on her calendar. Dork!
I had a good time people watching (or “checking people out” as Jon would argue
). Unfortunately our spirits were dampened by the flat tire we had on the way home. Many thanks to Jeremy and the Kirtland cop that helped us out.
Saturday was Kevin and Bethany’s shower. Jaidin and I attended and did our bridesmaid and flower girl duties. 
After the shower we headed to Amber’s birthday party. Amber is Jaidin’s day care provider, my new friend, and so much more. The whole time I nannied (before I had Jaidin) I prayed that one day, when I had kids, God would provide wonderful people to care for my kids in the future. Amber is definitely an answer to prayer! Jaidin adores her, and I know she loves Jaidin ( and all the kids she cares for).
Her party was off the hook! Well…it was pretty awesome if you were 4 years old
. She had a seperate “kids” table set up, all kind of kids games, and….a pinata! Jaidin was in birthday party bliss! And each kid got a ‘goodie bag’ when they left. Guess what was in it? A Snoopy SnoCone Maker! I don’t know who was more excited..me or Jaidin! I ALWAYS wanted a Snoopy SnoCone Maker, but never got one as a kid. Thanks, Amber!
Saturday night we went to Steve and Lindsey’s for a bonfire. Marshmallow and chocolate messes ensued.
We had Father’s Day dinner at Jon’s parent’s, then Jaidin and I headed over to my dad’s for a while. She was pretty upset that we didn’t go in the pool, so I think I know where we’ll be spending my day off on Wednesday
She did, however, enjoy ’saving’ bugs with the pool net.
My dad just kept “helping” her, bless his heart!
Weekend Fun June 4, 2007
Saturday was a beautiful Ohio summer day ( I know, all you native Ohioans are thinking that’s an oxymoron…but it truly was gorgeous), so we headed to the YMCA Outdoor Family Center for their opening Sunfest weekend. Jaidin had a great time in the sprinkler park, wading pool, and “big people” pool with us. She was really mad about not being able to go on the water slides…she needed to be 48″ tall, and she isn’t there yet. She informed me if she keeps eating her “princess gummies” (she has Disney princess shaped gummy vitamins) she’ll definitely be tall enough by the end of summer.

Saturday night we watched the CAVS win the Eastern Conference. Stephen and Evan came over ( and Lindsey ditched me
). While we watched the Cavs tear up Detroit, Evan and Jaidin tore up her room!
Sunday was CCFA Day at the Cleveland Indians, so I had to “work”…I mean, go to the game. I have SUCH a hard job 
We took Juliea with us and the girls had a great time kicking the seats in front of us, eating hotdogs and Cracker Jacks, drinking pop (resulting in multiple bathroom trips
) and dropping their 1977 vintage replica batting helmets down three rows of seats. The only tears all day were because they didn’t get to take a picture with Slider. Good times!

Chi-Town, Mom and Me, and Memorial Day June 2, 2007
I’ve been wanting to post these pictures for a week now…but time keeps slipping by. So here’s a quick lowdown and I’ll let the pics speak for themselves.I survived my trip to Chicago. We had a good conference planning/board meeting and I feel like I have a much better handle on the “big picture” regarding the conference. I’m very detail oriented and sometimes get caught up in the little stuff and overwhelm myself. But I’m very blessed to working with an awesome group of people who are faithful to follow through on responsibilities. And they’re so kind to keep encouraging me in my new responsibilities. And…I’m very lucky to have a family and friends who are supportive of my traveling all over the map, helping us with Jaidin, etc. And…I’m very blessed to have a husband who sends me flowers while I’m out of town 
The Monday after I got home from Chicago, I got to spend the evening with Jaidin at FunTime, an indoor “inflatables” funpark. The women’s ministries at our church meets once month and this month was Mom and Me night out. Jaidin had a great time, and I enjoyed spending the evening with her since I had been gone for 4 days.
Memorial Day weekend was hectic but fun. Our friends Mitch and Heather were in town visiting and we got to spend some time with them.They used to be part of RedHeart with us and Mitch played in Jon’s band, but they moved home to Lancaster, PA about 2 years ago. So good to see them…and find out they’re expecting a baby!
We also got to go to Miss Kelly’s birthday party. Miss Kelly is one of Jaidin’s preeschool teachers, and also the sister of my brother’s fiance. Fun times hanging out with all the RedHeart and church crew.
We had a fun time with family too. Sunday afternoon we spent time at Jon’s parent’s house. They were still in Maui, but Jon’s aunt Vicki was in town to stay with his grandma while mom and dad were gone. I’m so glad I finally got to meet Vicki. Then we headed to my grandparents house. My mom’s stepsister MaryLue was in town, so we went to visit with her. And we had fun teaching Jaidin to play Cornhole…the hokiest midwestern yard game ever!
We spent Memorial Day at Steve and Lindsey’s. Family cookout, t-ball, football, S’mores…what else do you need on a holiday?
Murder in my ‘hood.. June 1, 2007
This is scary…As I was driving out of our condo complex yesterday morning, there were police and sheriff’s cars lining the street to my right. I, of course, rubbernecked the entire way down the street, but didn’t get a good look at anything. I figured some kids were causing trouble before school or whatever. So I didn’t think anything else about it.
That is until I got to work and got an email froma friend asking me “What’s going on in your hood? ” with a link to a news story. I clicked it, and lo and behold, find out that a woman was killed, in broad daylight, two streets over from where I live.
Uh….scary!
So I’ve been following the story since yesterday and police have the suspect in custody. Turns out it was her neighbor. Nice…
Police have no motive or anything yet. This poor woman was only 44. She lived with her boyfriend and two small kids.
So sad..
Here’s the article from the local newspaper:
Painesville woman killed
06/01/2007
56-year-old man charged with aggravated murder
A 44-year-old woman was killed early Thursday in the College Hills development in Painesville.
Lisa Ward was found in the
grass behind her home at 209
University Ave., where she lived with her boyfriend and two children, ages 4 and 6, Capt. Rick Kline of
the Painesville Police Department said.
Her boyfriend was upstairs asleep when he heard a loud noise below about 5 a.m. Thursday. He ran downstairs, where he saw Ward on the grass and a man fleeing the scene, Kline said.
Ward was still alive when emergency workers responded, but she died on the scene, Kline said. Neighbors watched as rescue workers, police and prosecutors combed the crime scene.
Officers arrested Paul R. Hudson, 56, of 295 University Ave., and charged him with aggravated murder.
Hudson is in Lake County Jail and is set to be arraigned 11 a.m. today, Kline said.
Ward suffered several blunt
force traumas, but the cause of her death is still undetermined, pending additional investigation, Lake County Coroner Dr. Salvatore Rizzo said.
Painesville police Lt. Denise Mercsak said authorities do not know what weapon, if any, was used in the homicide. Officers are also working to identify a motive.
Aggravated murder is a first-degree felony. If convicted, Hudson could be sentenced to up to 20 years in prison and $25,000 in fines.
Happy Mother’s Day to Me! May 15, 2007
I had a very nice Mother’s Day weekend. Thanks to all of you who sent comments and messages (Sorry I didn’t have time to return the love!). Friday night we met Kevin and Bethany at Red Robin for dinner, then came home and retired early in preparation for our big days on Saturday.
Saturday, Jon got up and headed to the studio to record, and Jaidin and I got ready for our day out with my mom, grandma, and aunt. Mom picked up Jaidin and I, and we headed to get grandma. From there, we were off to Unionville, OH for the Unionville Flea Market. Every year they have a a day long flea market and antique show that is city-wide. There’s a park where outside vendors set-up, and people also rent out their front yards to peddlers (or they set up their own wares and antiques to sell). I’d never been there for this event, and I’ve never seen anything like it! We walked around for about 2 hours, until Jaidin got tired and hungry. I saw a few things I would liked to have purchased, but they were bigger (wicker furniture) and I had no room to get them home. So in the end, I bought Jaidin a doll set for $1, and myself some cinnamom roasted cashews. YUMMY! The highlight of the trip for me was seeing the historic homes lining Rt. 84, and the antique car we came across. Long story short, the gentleman that owns the car was inspired by a Grey Poupon advertisement and re-did the finish of his car with red and white checked tablecloth. It took him over a year to line up the checks in the fabric and finish it. He used varnish as the overlay. It really was an amazing site…it reminded me of a huge picnic table!
We left the flea market and headed to Geneva on the Lake, which in the 50’s and 60’s was a quaint little vacation town right on Lake Erie. People used to rent out the little lakefront cottages and escape from all over the Northeast. There’s a strip with arcades, diners, bars and shops that sell knick knacks and other “junk”. Over the years it’s gotten run down, but I remember going there every summer as a kid and riding the rides, eating at the diner, and spending time at the cottage my aunt rented every 4th of July. Fun memories! And my aunt, grandma, and Mom have memories that go back many more years! We had lunch at Eddie’s Grill, which is an authentic 50’s diner. All the cooks wear white tshirts, aprons, and little paper hats. So fun! This was Jaidin’s first time there…now 4 generations of our family will have memories there.
Saturday night we went to Steve and Lindsey’s for Jessica’s surprise birthday party. We had a good time, but I was the oldest person there (this is happening to me ALOT lately, especially at RedHeart events…hmmmm), and really felt it when they started playing Church of God camp games! Big Booty, anyone? And once again, Jeff tried to ruin all my pictures!
Sunday we headed to church, then to Jon’s parents to celebrate Mother’s Day. We had a nice dinner and some good laughs, then I headed out for some R & R ( translation: manicure and pedicure). It was a relaxing day for the most part. Sunday evening, Jon helped me fix a snafu at work by stuffing about 250 envelopes (THANKS!)
On Monday, I left work early so I could attend the Mother’s Tea at Jaidin’s school. It was fun, and the kids were all so excited to have mom there. Jaidin made me a really cute apron with her handprints on it (is Mrs. Zinni implying I don’t cook enough??). When we got home we played outside in the beautiful weather. Anyone else perplexed by this Ohio weather? It’s actually been SUNNY… The icecream truck came by and Jaidin convinced me to buy treats for her, Jon and myself, and Uncle Kevin. Can you believe I spent $8 on a Dora popsicle, 2 Nascar bars, and a SpongeBob treat? $2 a piece! I remember paying $.50 for a popsicle as a kid. Oh lord…I sound like my grandma….
Tomorrow I am off to Chicago for a conference planning/board meeting. Wish me luck…as of today I am not quite prepared and I’m a bit nervous about the whole thing.























